On being human

“To love someone fiercely, to believe in something with your whole heart, to celebrate a fleeting moment in time, to fully engage in a life that doesn’t come with guarantees – these are risks that involve vulnerability and often pain. But, I’m learning that recognizing and leaning into the discomfort of vulnerability teaches us how to live with joy, gratitude and grace.”
― Brené Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

I find myself experiencing some shame today. I’m also experiencing quite a lot of discomfort, but I’m okay with that. The shame is a destructive thing, rooted in disengagement and self-hatred. The discomfort is rooted in honesty and love, and thus has a rightful place within my psyche. There ARE people in this world who I love fiercely, and I’ll keep fighting off the feelings of shame that try to ride on that love’s coattails. It’s hard, because the shame is dogged and single-minded. The fear that my existence merits nothing but scorn is an old acquaintance, one who’s traveled with me through many chapters of my life. I exist in a state of thundering, wind-battered imperfection, because I am human. But being human also gives me the ability to love, which is indescribably precious, and oh, I’m so grateful for the people I love.

Am I worthy of love from them too? I don’t know. Yes. Maybe. I so often don’t know! Yes. Yes, I am. It’s my birthright as a member of humanity, in all its gnarled, complex, agonizing beauty. We are all worthy.

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