Contest Winners, or, HEY YO FREE STUFF

Well well well, my little Twitter contest is over, and I must say that the emperor is tremendously pleased with the solid twenty entries that I got from tweepsicles bold enough to throw their hat into the ring. WELL DONE, NEW (AND OLD) MINIONS. I shall generously allow you all to keep your new #mikesempire titles, partly because I am that benevolent, and partly because there isn’t actually any action I could possibly take to make it otherwise. For that matter, you’re free to reject your new, self-administered titles too, although man, how mean can you be? *sniff*

Selecting my favorite title from all the entries was surprisingly difficult! I thought I’d just swagger into the room, arms akimbo, head held high, glare imperiously at the entries, and arrogantly pluck one from the heap and wave it about in a show of decisiveness. Instead, INSTEAD, I waffled and hemmed and hawed and read the damned things a thousand times and printed them out and said them aloud to myself and drank myself into a stupor for three nights running. Okay, okay, I’m just kidding – I didn’t read them aloud. But I did face an unanticipated quandary: do I pick a title because it shares the same grotesque, self-inflating, excessively wordy magnificence of the titles that I myself bestow? Or do I pick a title that goes off in its own direction, carves its own greasy and malevolent niche in the walls of my empire, sings its own uniquely warped tune?

Surprisingly, I went with the latter. Wonderfully demented titles abounded! People really got into the evil spirit of the thing, which was important because, you know, Mike’s Empire is an eeeeeevil (if lazy and disengaged) empire. But I chose a title that was relatively spare, yet communicated worlds of evasion, shiftiness, deceit, misdirection, prevarication and slipperiness. Yes, the first winner of #mikescontest is Cowering Jester of Neutral Diplomacy @ccook! Being a kind and giving emperor (to a point, DON’T PUSH YOUR LUCK), I chose to select a random winner as well. This is not an indication that I believe life is fair, just to be clear. YOU HEAR ME? LIFE IS NOT FAIR. The only thing this action demonstrates is that I am an extraordinarily generous, big-hearted galactic conqueror. So, using the time-honored hat method (I used a long, striped, Seussian hat with a tassel on the end, don’t mock me) I selected #mikescontest winner #2, who happens to be Supremely Diabolical Underground Cross-Breeder of Vermicious Knids & Krakens, Part-Time Cliché Assassin & Fleece Fashionista @taralazar!

Congratulations, o lucky minions. Here’s the drill – send me an email at mike_jung at comcast dot net. Include your PB, MG or YA book of choice, your mailing address, and the independent bookseller you’d like me to order from. If your bookseller of choice isn’t on IndieBound I’ll have to come back at ya and ask for another choice, so…you know…OH PLEASE JUST CHECK FIRST, thank you.

A final word, minions of #mikesempire. It is true that 90% of you did not win – wait, don’t cry! Aw geez, don’t be like that – you know I love you ALL, right? Not in a creepy way, of course. And this was so fun that I’m seriously considering doing it on a regular basis, so stay tuned…your opportunity might be less than 2 TO 18 MONTHS AWAY…

As ever,


11 thoughts on “Contest Winners, or, HEY YO FREE STUFF

  1. Oh man! Next time I will do my I’m gonna win lucky dance before I enter or break out my Mike Jung voodoo doll…either way I will win. CONGRATS to the winners who clearly did use THEIR voodoo dolls.

    1. You sure you wanna do that, Marci? Because one of the secret results of entering the contest is the voodoo doll I immediately make of you, MWAHAHAHAHA!

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